That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
