I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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