Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
You can't special order awesome
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
