can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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