a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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