i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
