I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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