Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
smell my finger.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
