dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
