Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
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