OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
