I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
