this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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