I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
