hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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