she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
