Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
