mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
