Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
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