i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
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