Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
