Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
