so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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