so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
