you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
