New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
God I need to hump something, right now.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
