glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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