we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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