They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
