How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
