I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
