exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
