Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
