Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
