Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
