i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
