yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Randomize
