It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
