my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
