eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
