i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
