Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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