party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
