If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
