Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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