woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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