You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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