when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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