don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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