girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
